Pikake & Pearls: Helen & Randy’s Website

Jared Maeda (casually known as “J. Lane”) has been a close buddy of mine since we met in BU Hawaii Club in 2000. A former Maui resident, J. Lane was Chancellor of the Akamai Brain Collective booster club Team Akamai. He even learned to play glockenspiel so that he could make guest appearances at ABC performances.

J. Lane’s ever-inspiring wisdom, common sense, and wise-ass jokes kept me in line through college and beyond. Here are a few memorable sayings that he crafted in hopes of getting me organized. (You may perhaps find some gems in here too!)

• Have the foresight to plan ahead; it will cause you less grief.
• Create an agenda, and most importantly, do not waver from it. It would otherwise be pointless and meaningless.
• In times of despair, do not fret or else you may endure a transient ischemic attack and grow more white hair.
• Get some rest at a reasonable hour rather than sleeping inappropriately in public areas and during class.
• Do not try to propel yourself with filled grocery bags in the middle of crowded and busy city sidewalks or you could potentially seriously inure someone.
• Rubber slippers and aloha attire are neither sensible nor practical wardrobe attire for harsh New England winters.
• Pirates do not say, “aha!” Additionally, this is not an acceptable word for Scrabble.
• Be cautious when being chummy , affable, and gregarious towards strange taxi cab drivers.
• Even monkeys don’t eat banana peels, hence the term “peel.”
• A tidy and properly sanitized room can preclude the spontaneous formation of black holes and from having miscellaneous articles unexplainably disappear into the great abyss.
• Save the Randy Wong jokes for another time.

Excerpted from J. Lane’s “Some Words of Wisdom to the Hah-vahd Grad”, 2004.